Awareness re-directed its awareness away from ItSelf.

Why?

Because Awareness desired to experience something It was not.

A long time ago, (one thought ago) Awareness created Mind, a filter of Feeling & Desire, through which worlds can be experienced by Awareness. Soon afterwards, Awareness, (with the desire of mind), desired to experience ItSelf as NOT ITSELF. Awareness willingly allowed itself to go to sleep, and willingly gave up its awareness of ItSelf: Its Infinite Eternal Loving Oneness, Freedom, Peace, Unity in order to experience duality (good/evil); something other than being aware of ItSelf alone.

Mind, without Awareness to direct it, was left orphaned and abandoned. It felt separate. There was now a void of unawareness out of which mind decided it had to fill. With “no awareness” being aware and in charge, mind became frightened and guilty.  It thought it had done something wrong. It now felt it had to take on a role it did not know, in a world it did not know. No longer able to function as servant, it assumed the role of master.  Mind assumed the power of Awareness without Awareness being aware. Mind, as feeling & desire, led without awareness.

With awareness ignored, and mind in charge, mind now attempts to create like its master. Being made of feeling & desire, it makes up thoughts, ideas, sensations, beliefs, concepts.  Then it does what it does best: PROJECT.  Mind’s only ability is to project itself.  It attempts to create, but with no awareness in doing so, manifests an objective world, made up of subjects and objects.

With awareness present, (but unaware of Itself as Itself), an I-body/mind is made up. (thoughts, feelings, sensations, ideas, opinions, beliefs, concepts desires and imaginings, memories, narratives, monologues, dialogues, stories).

With awareness present, (but unaware of Itself as Itself), I-body/mind becomes an apparent living ‘thing’, a ‘subject’ among other ‘subjects’ called ‘objects’. It has taken on a life of its own. It now boastfully declares it’s stuff: I hear stuff.  I see stuff. I smell stuff. I taste stuff. I touch stuff. I feel stuff. I think stuff.

I know stuff. I believe stuff.  I have stuff.  I take positions on stuff. I narrate stuff. I monologue and dialogue stuff. I believe I know the truth about stuff.

I love stuff. I hate stuff. I fear stuff. I’m proud of stuff. I remember stuff. I forget stuff. I am sentimental about stuff. I am resentful about stuff.  I am forgiving about stuff. I know what the good stuff is and what the bad stuff is, even if others disagree on my stuff. I demand stuff.  I compare stuff. I ask for stuff.  I deserve stuff.  I am worthy of stuff. I know this stuff.  I don’t know other stuff. I know I can feel impatient with stuff.  I know all this stuff.  And on and on the list of stuff goes.

With awareness present, (but unaware of ItSelf as ItSelf), I-body/mind IS made of the very stuff that conceptualizes and perceptualizes stuff.  It then puts this conceptual stuff all together into categories of polarity stuff:

Good bad, right wrong, forwards backwards, true false, worthy unworthy, smart stupid, beautiful, ugly, heaven hell, life death, greater worse, more less, far near, big small, win lose, rich poor, here there, past present future, time space, light dark, giving receiving…. And the list goes on.

It takes credit for the good stuff, blames other stuff for the bad stuff. Little does it know, however, that all this stuff is made out of the same stuff it is made of.  STUFF.  It’s not real apart from awareness, but mind has forgotten that it ever had a master. It forgot its true function as servant. Its a world led by an insane master.

Awareness is now fully asleep, unaware that the mind made up an objective reality, was taken hostage to ‘be’ a separate subjective body/mind identity.  As long as unawareness ensues, it’s all allowed, and so the mind keeps on making more stuff up.   After some time, in this world of time and space, mind gets stronger and stronger. It’s still allowed. Over time, mind gets fully established in the I-body identity.  It ‘believes’ its in charge of its world. Desire grows and grows.  Seeking pleasures in objects and avoiding pain from objects becomes its addictive function.  It is never satisfied, no matter what it achieves, accomplishes or gets. I-body/mind is frustrated and wants more and more.  The suffering becomes greater and greater, and more frequently.  Pleasures also become greater and greater. I-body/mind grows and grows in its seeking pleasure and avoiding pain.  Pleasure seeking takes on destructive forms. Will this dream world self-destruct?

All of a sudden, something happens to bring awareness.  To the insane mind, it appears as intense pain. But, now, mind is insane.  It has gotten so habitually addicted to acting as the controller, it doesn’t want to give up it’s apparent power.  It blames people, places, and events for its pain, as a way to perpetuate itself; to keep awareness from awakening to ItSelf.

As awareness awakens slowly, mind becomes suspicious, to downright vicious, attempting to convince the I-body/mind to be very afraid OR ELSE. It takes on defensive/attacking positions, threatening, and controlling.  It lashes out and retreats.  It’s only function now is to keep awareness ignorant. (Mind is ignorant if left to be its own master). It must deceive the I-body/mind to obey, and that it has the rules to convince awareness that ‘it’ must submit.  It is the arrogant blind leading the naïve blind.

Mind is the only stuff in existence, made by awareness, given the power to make universes.  But this universe of duality was made by the mind without Awareness being aware of ItSelf.  Mind assumed charge, ate from the tree of good & evil, and now, does not have the awareness to get rid of the apparent problems it made.

After what seems to be millennia, after multitudes and multitudes of I-body/minds living and dying, with stories and narratives of stories being experienced, a question arises?

Where did Awareness go?

Everything is confusing, fearful and insane. It’s time to set things right.

Awareness arrives as the Answer to a call for Love.

Now, with awareness coming back to the I-body/mind, it is seen that this apparent temporal ‘living entity’ is not really real.  It’s all been a sleeping game, a trick-of-hand of role reversal.  Awareness asleep, and a mind whose sole duty was to ‘run the show’.

The mind, its movement being feeling & desire, was never created to lead.  It was created to follow.  It disobeyed, out of ignorance.

After so-called billions and billions of years, awareness awakens in the mind/body that is tired of seeking and leading blindly. It begins to turn inward. It admits it doesn’t know it’s True Master.  It desires to revert back to its true nature of being servant. It’s becoming ready to follow.

Once mind desires to return to Awareness more than it desires chasing mind-stuff, desire increases, and so does Awareness.  It is at this point, that Awareness is able to recognize ItSelf as Awareness. It can see that the I-body/mind is NOT what it is. It is then able to break away and detach from the mind stuff, and BE ITSELF, aware and awake, independent of mind. The sense of an I-body/mind self is gone. With Awareness present and aware of being aware, there is only Awareness, and no sense of separate identity in a story.

Awareness stands as Awareness; aware & present. Thinking, sensing and perceiving still happen, but they happen to nobody.

It is the journey of Awareness falling asleep, (with mind in charge, dreaming of a world with the existence of separate aware characters in stories of birth & death, time & space) then Awareness guiding the mind back into ItSelf, and re-awakening to ItSelf in the dream back to ItSelf as Infinite Awareness. Awareness is its True Identity, and not the separate I-body/mind identity. Awareness is Present Now. Awareness is aware of being aware. It knows Its Only Function. Happiness and Peace have returned for body/mind. They know their function is simply to emulate Awareness. All is One at rest in Awareness as Awareness. Nothing else needs to be done. The rest will unfold naturally.

I am Present-Awareness.

How do I know this?

Lets see…

I know I exist.

I know I am presently aware.

Being presently aware of myself, I am the same as Present-Awareness.

I am Present Awareness.

What am I made from?

I am made from the same stuff as Present-Awareness.

I am Present Awareness.

I can test this out.

I can watch my own Present-Awareness.

I am presently aware of watching Present-Awareness.

I can watch myself, as Awareness.

Awareness watching Awareness.

Within Awareness, things seem to appear & disappear.

Perceiving appears to happen,

Thinking appears to happen,

Sensing appears to happen,

Feeling appears to happen.

But, I, being aware, stay in awareness of myself as Present-Awareness.

When these appearances divert my attention for a long time, and then for longer times, I can forget my awareness, and then my reality appears to become something it is not, something else other that what I am, as Awareness.

I forget myself as Awareness, and become aware of myself in a world of good & bad.

I then hold thoughts, feelings, sense-perceptions as my own. I believe there are real problems I or others must solve.

When I forget myself as Awareness, then my reality is fearful, uncertain, and doubtful.

When Awareness comes back to the lost awareness, it is rediscovered that I, Awareness, is aware.

During unawareness of True Reality, I am not identified with Awareness but with those appearances that I mistakenly thought myself to be.

When Awareness returns, I come back to myself as Awareness Itself.

I sense that when a sensation happens, it is present, made out of presence, just as I am presence, so it is made out of Awareness. I give it my Awareness.

I understand that when thinking happens, it is present, made out of presence, just as I am presence, so it is made out of Awareness. I give it my Awareness.

I feel that when a feeling happens, it is present, made out of presence, just as I am present, so it is made out of Myself, Awareness. I give it my Awareness.

I perceive that when seeing, hearing, touching, tasting & smelling happens, it is present, made out of Presence, just as I am Presence, so it is made out of Myself, Awareness. I give it my Awareness.

Being Aware, I bring my Awareness wherever I go.

I can bring my awareness to the content of those appearances, and still stay in knowing Awareness.

I am presently aware now, created out of Presence-Awareness.

I remain Awareness independent of all appearances.

Appearances can come, and appearances can go.

I remain Awareness. I know who I am.

I am Presence.

I am Awareness.

Awareness is the knowing of Awareness.

Nothing exists outside of Myself, as Presence-Awareness.

This is the truth of Reality.

This is Reality.

Today, when I woke up this morning, (before thoughts and sense-perceptions came rushing in), the first thing I did, was be aware of who I am. I rested in this Awareness. My name is SatNinAnanda.  I am a conscious living being. (Nina). I am awareness, consciously & intimately connected with Infinite-Eternal Conscious-Awareness (Sat).  The experience of knowing Conscious-Awareness, is Love-Peace-Bliss. (Ananda)

Then, in an instant, I became aware of my thoughts and sense-perceptions.  They are my creations. Like children, they awoke too, surrounding me from all sides. Their names are ‘thinking’, ‘feeling’, ‘sensing’, and ‘perceiving’. I became aware that I have busy, active, creations of my own. They are precious, and beautiful, innocent, but they are ignorant and naïve of who I am.  When I forget the Truth of MySelf, and focus on them, they become something else entirely. They start attaching and meshing with each other. They divide and morph into more complex beings: ‘thoughts’, ‘desires’ ‘emotions’, ‘sensations’, and ‘perceptions’. Little monsters.  Hell, I sure wouldn’t want them to grow into big ones now, would I? To go further into the illusion, those creations become real conceptual things, like bodies, objects, events, relationships, sex, money, buying, selling, education, science, security, safety, love and marriage, envy, greed, lack, loss, light, dark, birth, death, more, less, governments, hierarchies, dynasties, empires, nations, planets, universe, … the world.

Whoa! Back up…way, way  up. I am Awareness, and it came to Me that I must BE AWARE. I must lovingly, firmly, direct these ‘ignorant, innocent children’ in the way they must go. I am their parent and I must teach them who they are by being who I AM, Awareness ItSelf.  I am to help them remember I am their Parent, because they need one. When they get together inside of me, their voices are noisy and distracting, and can so easily get my attention.  Then as I lose awareness of My Awareness, the voices seem become one-voice, and now, I have become something else, something that I am not. It’s a wild experience when this occurs. This one-voice begins directing Me, as if I ‘am’ the voice. I take on form and perceive a world. I have needs, and wants, and feelings, am obsessed with right and wrong, good and bad. I am possessive. I hold onto guilt and shame for something I don’t remember I have done. I can become demanding of respect and indignant if I am offended, wronged, or betrayed.  I’m at conflict with myself and I feel completely out of control. I, no longer aware of Awareness Itself, have ‘become’ the voice of fear, indecision and doubt. I can also be sweet and manipulative to get what I want. I am relentless in my pursuit of pleasure and avoidance of pain. I simply can not stop.   Feeling and desire are calling out for help, and I feel like a tired, helpless victim without an answer.

But awareness came, and I realized no one with awareness was running the show. The children did not know ME because I was not BEING their parent. I was not being what I was created to be.  With no Awareness, all is lost.  With no awareness, all is chaos.  All attractions & repulsions, pleasures and pain have been created from unawareness. The True Aware Parent has been forgotten.  The child is lost. And a ‘lost child’ has the capability of creating havoc in worlds within worlds, all ending in pain, suffering and destruction.

Whoa! Coming back to Awareness, and after spending much time with Awareness, in Awareness of Awareness, my children (thinking, feeling, sensing, perceiving) are now beginning to reflect their true selves more and more. I am now back to being Aware, as Guide, Organizer, Director, Inner Silence.  I now see with the inner Eye of Awareness. I see that when I had no awareness of Myself, I seemed to become aware of something else, (to the point where I was lost and confused), no one was in charge.  The world became full of victims and victimizers, I was not attending to myself, as Awareness.   And I, who was acting on behalf of a ‘lost voice’ have now regained Awareness, and I can now return to Awareness and be the Parent in Charge of my children once again; ‘thinking’, ‘feeling’, ‘sensing’, ‘perceiving’, (my children)”.

So, today, I sat up, and remembered who I am, and what I am to do.  I told each of my creations to take a break.  I told them that I will be needing them in time, but that I need to Be who I truly am NOW. I am Awareness, and I need to be with Awareness now and forever.  While I am awake and aware in day to day life, my creations will serve me well. I explained to each of them they would all have a function to serve in my Self-Expression. They would be seen and heard when I am Being Aware, not at any other time. I told them I will be taking time for me more, Awareness, in holy communion with MYSELF, Awareness, so, they would all have more time when I express MySelf.  I gave them all re-assurance that while I am practicing Awareness in meditation, that they respect and honor the Silence. They can show up spontaneously and functionally in daily life. I informed them lovingly and gently that I will not abandon them, or hurt them.  They will be receiving all the lessons they will need when I choose to focus and stay aware as the Parent that I am. I promised them, as I become more aware of Awareness, they will come to understand, feel, desire, sense and perceive truly.  They are not to attach or demand of Me my Attention. They must wait until I need them to show up truly.  I win, and they win. WE all WIN. I am truly Independent of them, but as a living-conscious being of Awareness, those emanations of Me will shine bright and become as I am, gracefully and lovingly expressing ourselves as Infinite-Eternal-Awareness-Love-Peace-Bliss.

To blindly follow desire in its “outward” search, is the path to perpetuate pain and suffering.

This is the Truth.

I am looking for something to relieve my suffering; or should I say, energy of desire.  The energy of desire is ongoing, and perpetual, and it’s function is to grow and grow.  It can not give up its need to desire. It mistakenly looks outward, to a ‘person, place, or thing’ in order to end it’s desire, and achieve success, love, peace & fulfillment.

If I try to stop desire, I see that it gets more and more intense, threatening me with words of pain and suffering. If I follow desire, it may bring glimmerings of joy and excitement, declaring promised outcomes, but this too eventually ends in disappointment, frustration, anger, rage.  If desire is lacking in one situation, and I try to force desire to a different direction, it ends up in grief and sorrow. They are all dead-ends eventually.  But, it doesn’t end.  Desire tells me that I must submit & agree to becoming its partner in finding what it is looking for, AND, it is I that must help ‘it’ look for it.  I am tired. I don’t know what else to look for in order to appease it for long. I still see it desiring, and so, I go back to the drawing board once again. I look for clues, for signs…waiting for desire to tell me what to do. I don’t know who I am, and so I believe my job to get something or to arrive somewhere in the world is real.  I believe that something is missing within me.  I feel shame because I haven’t yet found it. I begin to compare myself with others. I begin to use deception with others pretending to be happy and fulfilled, but knowing I have no real lasting commitment in the activities of the world. I am trying to solve a problem on behalf of this thing called  ‘desire’.  A problem to solve.

I come back to awareness, get honest, and I see that I got tangled up in desire, looking for a world nugget to be excited about, but I came up empty. Getting something or someone in this world only makes desire go away temporarily.

Believing I saw that there was a problem in the desiring; I took it upon myself to solve it. It seemed that there was a problem that I must figure out either with myself or with others. If I control ‘desire’ in order to get rid of desire, I use my power destructively and I suffer. If I allow ‘desire’ to control me to get what it wants, (so desire will end), I use my power destructively. I’m shocked that this has been going on for so long.

As I return to Awareness,  I’m aware that I became a partner in crime with desire, going out into the world to find its objects of desire, (thinking they were mine) in order to end the suffering. But the very existence of desire, and not knowing what to do with it, IS the suffering. This I’m aware of.

Desires reaching outward, seeking outward, looking outward, searching outward, forever wandering, analyzing, figuring, manipulating, rationalizing, consuming…..this is the activity of desire not having true direction.

So, not knowing who I am, or what my function is,  I tell lost desire (now me) that maybe what I’m looking for will be in exercise, moving the body, getting busy, looking for adventure, working, playing, looking to buy something, sell something, improving myself,  looking for conversation, surrounding myself with people, going to parties, functions, looking put together, looking for yet another truth in a teaching or a book, attending my spiritual meetings, travelling, going on retreats, dates, looking for the attraction of a man that I can once-and-for-all connect with on a soul level, and finally stop the suffering that desire has caused. Something I want, but do not have. I detach from desire for a moment, and notice thoughts forcing me to go and get something.  But I know that to find something out there is not going to end desire at all, and if it does, it won’t last for long; I will eventually feel disappointment, my heart will break again, the  desire will return with a vengeance, and the same ol’ seeking will come back.  Nothing I do, (in agreeing to follow desire) will bring the ego to its final end. Listening to and blindly following to the ego’s promises of desire (lies) will not end the suffering. There are no objects of desire that will bring desire to its final end.   And I render myself to yet another surrendering of this.

Desire itself does not know what it wants. It wants me to join with it, be its host, to go out and fulfill its never-ending ache of yearning and craving. And so I do that, over and over again, believing that I am going to bring desire to an end.  But now, after so many years, I know that outward seeking in order to end desire is only another strategy of desire to perpetuate itself.  It’s not the answer I truly want. I want the peace of God. So, I decided to use desire for the spiritual path.  I sought the truth in books, in workshops, retreats, YouTube videos, and got lost in that path, believing the truth is in a teaching or a book.  I joined with spiritual communities to be happy like them. I forced desire to stop. I pretended I was ‘desireless’.  I fought desire, tried to repress it, suppress it, but, in the end, it only increased my self-dishonesty. I concluded, desire can not be eliminated and it constantly calls to me. I realized, desire can not be relinquished by acting as a spiritual person. Desire came back. It’s feverish, and relentless, and it will not give its host any lasting relief. Looking outward to love, sex, marriage, kids, money, food, drink, conversation, adventures, travel, spiritual endeavors, thrill-seeking activities, is not fulfilling desire anymore. So, after some searching as to what I could do with this desire, I came across the Direct Path to Awakening.  I’ve come to see there is another way to ending the desire and suffering of the ego. Desire can’t be eliminated by seeking objects; that is a recipe for more desire and suffering. It’s the wrong direction.  I must do something to help turn desire around, and lead it back to where it came from.

To clearly lead desire to the ‘inward’ search, is the path to end pain & suffering.

This is the Truth.

I am Awareness.  I must be who I am as Awareness in order to allow desire to be who it is. The answer is to stay Aware of MySelf, as Awareness. In doing so, I will be taking charge of guiding desire to follow me.   I will allow it to grow in strength, and then use its strength and intensity to stay focused on ME, Awareness. I must invite the very thing I was trying to get rid of,  and use it for another purpose; an inward-looking purpose.

Now that I have a clear understanding on what is really going on within my awareness, I can take the driver’s seat. I can have desire serve me in being who I am, instead of me serving it. Desire will follow me. It only wants the freedom to be and do it’s function. It’s a win-win situation.

In the past, I catered to ‘desire’, trying to please it in others, so I could have it pleased within me.  My one and only purpose for this desire thing, was to have it stop pestering me.  I thought others would ‘get’ happy it I served desire that lived in them, which in turn, would make me happy.  But this desire does not really live in others, it lives in me, and until it’s come to a final end, there can be no real happiness. I am unhappy, because I forgot who I truly am, and I didn’t know what the heck to do with desire.

It’s like a small child having a temper tantrum, and me, an irresponsible and naive parent. If it becomes vociferous and noisy, somebody will come to fill its bottomless-pit needs.  No.  This must stop. Desire will never ever ever, ever, ever, stop by looking ‘outward’. There must be a direct, firm, but loving hand, to take Its rightful place as Parent, and steer ‘desire’ from looking ‘outward’ (to people, places, things, events, concepts, etc) to looking ‘inward’ instead, and bring it to its final end. This is what I want.  This will take some Awareness Practice, but I’m ready.

 “I have a new purpose for you, my dear desire”.

You will no longer act as my boss. I detach from assuming that you know. Your  suggestions, promptings, persuasions, directions, orders, criticisms, suspicions, sarcasms, threats, ultimatums, dictates, viciousness are a cry for help. I will help. I quit cateringnd being tempted to answer your every whim, trying to give you what you think you want.  You are a spoiled child who hasn’t a clue what you want.  But, I love you, so I will not abandon you; neither will I continue to join in those insane destructive strategies of getting your needs met.  I am in charge now.  You can settle down. You need not figure anything out. But,  I need you to do something for me.  It is a job where I want you to do what you do best.  I need you now, to play the biggest part you’ve ever played. Its the perfect job for you. To go where we are going, I need you to get super strong, and super intense. I want you to grow and grow and grow. This is your only function. This is who and what you are. Desire. Do your job and do it well my dear. As for my job, I will be Awareness observing MYSELF. I am in charge of the direction. I will direct you. I want you to shine your brightest. It’s going to be alright.  You are going to finally bring all pain and suffering to its final end. Out of all the things I needed most desperately in this world, but failed to get right, was knowing who I was, and what my function was. I am Awareness, and you are desire.  Lets do what we do best, and let’s do it together. You can be yourself, getting stronger with intensity, increasing in the right direction, and I will be Awareness, aware of MySelf. It will take us inward in the right direction.  You are the one & only energy that will bring the ego to its final end; to infinite eternal love & peace.

To thinking, feeling and desire,

“Are we all willing and ready to take our rightful positions now?

Your Loving Infinite-Eternal Awareness

The oppressed one models no real power or self-mastery. It is fear that controls him.  He appears to have no control over his life. He believes his pain comes from others’ use of control; not from within himself. He uses his emotion of fear to deceive himself of his own hidden pain. His focus is on the fear of being controlled. He is terrified of non-compliance, therefore, he forces himself to comply. He is afraid of the ‘angry’ mind.  He believes in control and what it demands of him.  He deceives himself by what is blamed on him. He takes up little or no space, feels undeserving, is isolated, quiet & shy, and sees to it that he does not get in the way or upset the one who has anger.  If he does, he will perceive himself as disorderly & out-of-control.  The oppressed one may get threatened, or have something of ‘value’ taken away. The oppressed one is teaching & broadcasting: “Maintain fear: perpetuate the illusion of control & order”.

The oppressor models no real power or self-mastery. It is anger & hatred that controls him. He appears to have control over his life & the lives of others. He believes his pain comes from failing to control others; not from within himself. He uses his emotions of anger & pride to deceive himself of his own hidden pain. His focus is on anger to control others. He despises lack of control, therefore, he demands the other to comply. He is angry of the ‘fearful’ mind. He believes in control and what it demands of him. The oppressor deceives himself by what he blames on others. He demands space, is entitled, and sees to it that he gets in the way & controls the one who will comply. If he doesn’t, he will perceive himself as weak & not-in-control. The oppressor may threaten or take something of ‘value’ away from another. The oppressor is teaching & broadcasting: “Maintain anger: perpetuate the illusion of control & order.”

LEAVING BEHIND CONTROL STRATEGIES

The sole purpose of the ‘ego’ is CONTROL. It wants to return a ‘hurt’ for a perceived hurt, and get things back to the way they were.  It is to cling to, hold on to and try and salvage a relationship that has been damaged or destroyed.  It is done by pretending to forgive the perceived injustice too soon after the trust has been broken.

How is pretending done?  A hurt is perceived & experienced, someone’s triggered pain is felt, and then the strategy of ‘blame-switching’ occurs to deny the ownership of that pain. It may look like punishing another & demanding respect. It may look like burning property in reaction to being upset. This destructive strategy of blaming another is used as a form of control.  It is a form of denial to minimize, rationalize, justify or spiritualize away and deflect responsibility of blame. Instead of standing in one’s own truth, a control strategy is used on the other. When feelings are ignored or rejected, minimized or rationalized away, or when a wrong has been justified or spiritualized, these are signs that the strategy of denial is attempting to lure you into placing trust into an untrustworthy situation. A perceived hurt gets returned with more hurt. Now you’re trapped in your own guilt caused by your own wrongdoing.  There is a ‘promise’ of justice that you’ll be absolved of your wrongdoing, but it is really only a tricky form of deception to continue being deceived in falsehood. If one begins to take personal responsibility and STOP TRYING TO COVER UP ONE’S GUILT with more wrongdoing, then one will see that one’s value can not be found in relationship with another.

Let’s look at a scenario. The control strategies (minimizing, rationalizing, justifying, blame-shifting, spiritualizing, avoiding) attempt to hide John’s past sin & present guilt by justifying and rationalizing his repeated ‘wrong-doing’ by blame-shifting it on to Susan. He hurts her, but does not acknowledge it because of his belief that he is right. He stays in denial due to his minimizing, rationalizing, justifying and blame-shifting.   His denial sends the message that the reason he did wrong initially was Susan’s ‘fault’; that he was angry and she deserved it.  John appoints himself as redeemer, and absolves himself of his guilt.  But not really. Not in reality.  It’s an illusion of absolution. The only One who grants absolution is God. There will still be no trust, love, respect and safety in the relationship. There really IS no relationship anymore, but neither want to ‘see’ that.  John’s deceptive tactic attempts to convince Susan that she is at fault for the wrongdoing; the injustice.  She now feels ‘false guilt’ (John’s guilt) and takes it upon herself to ‘right the wrong’ and get the trust back.  This is not her job, but as long as she feels ‘guilty’ of her own hidden guilt, she will take on John’s guilt & blame and try to get trust back.  If Susan falls for the control strategy, and continues to give her TRUST away for the sake of the relationship, she will predictably react to his future control strategies with more control strategies of her own: false sympathy, pity, false loyalty, fearful concern, justified worry, obligated agreement, compliance, fearful obedience, suspicion, irritability, frustration, stubbornness, resentment, arguments, retaliation, or revenge, (at worst).  The good and bad emotional supply coming from Susan will train John that she will always take the blame for his wrongdoing, give him her TRUST, and stay in the relationship.  She will remain guilty, angry and resentful on the inside, showing both compliance and argumentativeness on the outside. John may also do the same for Susan.  It becomes a merry-go-round. The deception and secrecy continues. Both are afraid of taking responsibility of their own wrongs, their own remorse, their own guilt.  They will never admit to themselves or each other that they have no rights justifying doing wrong to the other.(contrition) They are afraid of confessing to themselves & God that they are hosts to ‘lies’. The strategies are an attempt to continue denying the truth, temporarily easing their own guilt & sorrow, and giving both a sense of well-being for a ‘hopeful’ future.  They are fooling themselves.  They are only heading to increased suffering. This relationship will only ‘appear’ to be in place with their bodies living together, but it’s only a matter of time that one of them will get to their threshold of pain, and wake up out of denial, and face the truth of the broken trust, and leave the broken relationship. The unhealthy relationship will end.

When one stops feeding the relationship with control strategies, the relationship will lose its negative energy, its appeal will be lost, and it will come apart. Letting go of ‘control strategies’ triggers one’s own hidden pain to come to the surface and that person’s healing journey will come into awareness.  If Susan does not have the courage to take responsibility for her own sorrow & remorse, her own admittance of wrongs, letting go of her perceived rights to do wrong, then she will go into an emotional hibernation, piggy-backing off the company of others who will only give her a false sense of trust, respect and safety. She must stay in someone’s company, commiserate with them, to get love & attention for herself. The belief that she is flawed, blamable, defective, disgraceful, no-good, undeserving, shameful, unfit, vile, wretched, broken, unworthy, unlovable, & valueless human being will be upheld by a lie.  But lies are not true, never were true, and will never be true. She is Innocent but doesn’t know it. If on the other hand, Susan does has the courage to get into a recovery program, take responsibility for her own character defects, release all unhealthy control strategies, her own wrongs, confess her wrongs & recover from the lies of her unworthiness, she will find true relief and serenity.

Then, any future control strategies that come to her from others, Susan will be able to spot right away.  They will have no more power over her. She will not return control with control. She will not return anger with anger.  She will not return resentment with resentment or retaliate the wrongs done to her with more wrongdoing.  Over time, Susan will not have the attraction for unhealthy relationships & she will find herself responding only with love, trust, respect and care. It takes great desire for Truth, and that can only be found in developing trust and faith in a relationship with one’s own Higher Power. Always stay true to that.  God be with you on your journey.

My higher power is my Recognition, Acknowledgement, & Acceptance. When I am open to recognizing my truth, acknowledging my truth, & accepting my truth, I experience His Loving Presence.

My higher power is my Spiritual Support. When I am open to giving & receiving of my true feelings & desires, I experience His Uplifting Presence.

My higher power is my Loyalty & Reassurance. When I am open to setting & maintaining true boundaries for myself, I experience His Loyal & Reassuring Presence.

My higher power is my Connection.  When I am open to connecting with my truth, (honoring, trusting, respecting, & caring for all parts of me), I experience His Connective Presence.

My Higher Power is my Safety & Trust. When I am open to surrounding myself with the truth of people, places & spaces, I experience His Safe & Trusting Presence.

Do you sense that things do not always go as you would like them to, or that people do not lovingly behave the way they ‘should’ or you would ‘expect’ or ‘want’ them to? Do you react negatively? Do you hold a grudge against anyone? Do you think you are in charge of the behavior of others? Do you ever ‘give’ others your suggestions to get your knowledge of things across to them? Do you subtly impose your perceptions upon them? Do you believe that others are to blame for your mood, attitude & behavior? Do you feel pride in justifying your anger and then experience guilt afterwards? If yes, do you want to change? Is it time that you would like to muster up some courage and decide to forgive your perception of things? If you see any kind of negativity in the world, it means that this is the same level from which you are perceiving reality. If you see dis-respect in others, it means you are coming from a perception of Anger & Pride. ‘You’ are the one still caught up in the grips of negative energy patterns, and it is up to ‘You’ to want to change those patterns in order to change your perception of the world. These negative patterns include Shame, Guilt, Grief, Apathy, Fear, Anger & Pride. It’s truly no sin if you find yourself caught up in any ‘one’ of these negative patterns, say, Anger, but it IS self-tormenting you if you decide to blame the world for that energy pattern. You have been unconsciously binding yourself in Anger when you condemn others for the Anger you find yourself in. It is the unconscious denial of the negative energy level you are in that is the cause of your suffering, NOT the actions of others, events or circumstances of the world. Knowing that it is the negative energy level of ‘ANGER’ that you are living in that is the cause of your continual suffering, (& not the world) helps to support the understanding & forgiveness required to release the victim mentality and claim yourself as the empowered Chooser of Perception. Always being in “opposition to negativity” or feeling oppositional to another person’s “opposition to negativity” is evidence that you have not yet fully acknowledged negativity or accepted it within yourself. That’s OK. Just notice your compelling need to resist anything negative. Coming face to face with life that seems to trigger shame, guilt, fear, anger or pride does not have to mean that you tighten your mask & fight the perceived threat. All it means is that you have been given an opportunity to compassionately accept the state within yourself, & admit you are powerless to control it. Forgive the negative energy patterns you’re experiencing and the filters of perception they hold you to. Holding an attitude or ‘position’ of defense is entirely the reason why life continues to deal you the cards that you perceive justifies the need to repeatedly take such a ‘position’. Gently let go of your need to take any position, for any reason, and be willing to accept any negativity that is arising, whether it’s in yourself or others. Negativity is not ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’, and it’s certainly not to be controlled, denied or blamed on anyone or anything. It’s only to be accepted for what it is; a negative energy pattern YOU are moving through. One day, you will wake up and experience a deep sense of Loving Acceptance for all life just the way it is; an abiding sense of calm, comfort, ease, flow and an ‘all rightness’ with life.

If you continually feel compelled to shun responsibility for your behavior and hold a “positional attitude”, (good or bad), then that is your current destiny. You have simply not earned your right to desire peace & unity wholeheartedly. While you are living in this state of ignorance, life will continue to offer you opportunities to change your mind, but if you do not find yourself wanting to change your mind, it means you are not ready to desire peace & unity wholeheartedly & you shall continue to perceive both good things and bad things to which you can blame or give credit to, keeping you convinced that your attitude is at the mercy of others.  You will perpetuate a “positional” attitude. This is bondage.  If a day comes when you ‘want’ to change your mind, then you are ready to begin a new journey.  You have been granted the ‘desire’ to change your mind.  This is a Gift, and it is your newfound destiny to move forward.  This is your escape from bondage.  You will want to take responsibility for your compulsion to judge anything good or bad. You will gain an understanding that your attitude is not at the mercy of circumstances and you will find yourself releasing the need to hold a “positional attitude” for anything. You will come to accept that all your positive & negative perceptions have no more purpose. Life will balance out, and feel more pleasant. Your desire and demonstration to hold a non-positional attitude concerning ‘people & things’ will bring to you more serenity & peace, and a unified perception of all things. Now you will be ready to teach Peace to others.

Rights & Responsibilities On How To Be A Grown-Up.

I am not responsible for meeting your inherent needs.
I will not rescue you, enable you, advise you, correct you, change you, or guilt you, etc.
You are responsible for meeting your own inherent needs for love, appreciation, empowerment, attention, trust, honesty, respect, safety, security, connection & support.
This is your key to happiness.
It is your duty, right, & privilege to be inspired how you might meet them for yourself, & the pace at which you will go.
I can inspire & encourage you by holding safe space & asking you how you could anchor your desires & what they might look like in the world. You are under no pressure to please me.
If I am unable to inspire or help you, it is your right & responsibility to find someone who can. It is also your choice to do nothing. It is none of my business.
You are always free to change your mind. I am always free to do the same.

You are not responsible for meeting my inherent needs.
I will overlook your attempts at rescuing, enabling, advising, correcting, changing or placing guilt me etc.
I am responsible for meeting my own inherent needs for love, acceptance, appreciation, attention, trust, empowerment, honesty, respect, safety, security, connection & support.
This is my key to happiness.
It is my duty, right, & privilege to be inspired how I might meet them for myself & at the pace at which I will go.
You can inspire & empower me by holding safe space & asking me how I might anchor my desires & what they might look like in the world. I am under no pressure to please you.
If you are unable to inspire or help me, it is my right & responsibility to find someone who can. It is also my choice to do nothing. It is none of your business.
I am always free to change my mind. You are always free to do the same.
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You choose your energy & behavior. It doesn’t depend on me.
I choose my energy & behavior. It doesn’t depend on you.
The choice is ours when & how to get ourselves inspired, embrace life, follow our true desires & get our own needs met.
Being a grown-up means experiencing true peace, freedom, balance, grace, ease, joy, playfulness, fulfillment & wisdom.
We encourage each other and love one another. No one is left behind.