No more living through the eyes of others misaligning myself through their knowledge.
Today, I will acknowledge & love myself in my authenticity.
Today, I will notice & be noticed for being myself.
And not the one I conformed to. ————————————————-
From The Spirit Within Who Loves Me:
The best beloved of all things in My sight is Authenticity; turn not away therefrom if you desire Me, and neglect it not that I may confide in thee. By its aid thou shalt be informed of My love for thee, and no longer impoverished by the stranger of lies.
You shalt honour thine own Self.
You shall choose thine own Loving Self; and let go of that false unacceptable self that fear of being unworthy of the love of others.
Ponder this in thy heart; how it behooveth thee to be. Verily, authenticity is My gift to thee and the sign of My loving-kindness. Set it then before thine eyes.
To disclose and own my feelings in the face of threat that would deceive me into dismissing, disregarding & diminishing my worth.
I am already worthy just as I am in every present moment. I am acknowledging and honoring who I am.
What is your greatest fear and happiness?
To not harm you while I expose my hidden resistant truth. This disclosure is not meant to attack or threaten you, but to remind both of us of who I am just as I am, without the need to prove it.
What is your greatest fear and happiness.?
To be witnessed dropping the resistance that stopped me from exposing myself as I am. That resistance was a shabby substitute that blocked me from the recognition of my true worth.
What is your greatest fear and happiness?
To expose to you my Untouchable Unmovable Unshakeable Being in the face of an insecure agenda meant to have me bound and gagged living under a spell of pity & unworthiness.
When I allow myself to stop resisting the return of my banished self; the one that is putting her foot down now to all self-abuse, I get my life back. I welcome Her back into my heart & life now, and notice the discernment and wisdom that is being granted to me. I am being shown now, that I, Sweet NINA, named after HER HIGHNESS, (She Who Has No Name), have been fearlessly and wonderfully made! That the HIGHNESS I AM knew who I was BEFORE She gave form to me.
As I choose to make Her HIGHNESS first & foremost in everything, I stop ‘selling’ Her out to the world’s taunts & tricks. As my insecurities fade while advocating only for Her, I begin to realize the inner peace I AM that passes all understanding. I am granted the confidence & assurance that, no matter what, I am reborn a-new in every breath of remembering who I am. I am Her holy child, fashioned in Her likeness, redeemed by the testimony of the Spirit within me, and safe in my Atonement in and through Her.
I am in delight of myself in Her Presence as She gives me the desires of Our Shared Heart.
This world of threats and insecurities is doomed. The world of fear & loss has no true power. The deceptive stranger who controlled such ones, is being recognized now for the fake & fraud that it is. Deception is defeated when I SEE, HEAR & RELATE on behalf of The Friend.
My worth, my dear Nina, is defined by the love of God’s Truth. And that can never be stolen, altered or destroyed.
I, rationally but fool-heartedly, tried to win approval because I had been mistakenly aligned with a ‘toxic frame of reference’.
This ‘frame of reference’ is a story version I believed about myself. It created within me a trauma-based fight-flight-freeze-fawn response in order to cope with my haunting anxieties and fears that got triggered everytime I felt out of alignment with people & places. But instead of setting boundaries, and choosing to advocate for myself, my trauma-mind would merge with the toxic frame of reference. My trauma voice literally had a stranglehold on me to throw my ‘unacceptable’ truth under the bus. I caved in finding myself, time and time again, hiding behind my “agreeable nature”, just to feed off an appearance of a connection. But inside, I was hiding and alone.
1) The Trauma. Being told over and over that you were to listen and obey to “the rules.”
When you did not obey the rules, when you did something wrong in their eyes, they had the right to be upset with you which then gave them the entitlement to punish you. They said it hurt them more than it hurt you.
You were told you were to be seen and not heard. You were told over and over to do as you’re told; to obey the ‘one framing the narrative’. You were never allowed to disagree or disobey…. never considered or permitted to claim your own self-agency; never given the true knowledge that just by being alive you had the right to speak up on your own behalf; to feel honoured or graced to have your own autonomy to be seen, heard and understood in who you really were.
The forming of the authentic self never had a chance to germinate and grow. It was against the rules. The trauma happened when the authority defined this dynamic as respect. Your sense of self worth was determined by how well you respected them. Your self-worth was determined by how well you met and agreed to their own frame of reference.
Respect meant you merged with the other’s reality completely and to stay with them. Respect meant to never let them know of your growing desire to separate and disagree from them and their frame of reference.
2) The Trauma Response: (fight-flight-freeze-fawn). The trauma response is staying in this fear to stay “safe” while in the presence of those who believe they are right and believe they have the right knowledge and you don’t; only getting their approval when you side with their frame of reference. The trauma response never allows your opinion or your disagreement to the other’s owned narrative.
Your self-worth is still tied to how well your feelings can stay repressed & suppressed so as you never “disrespect” the other’s owned narrative.
Your Self-worth is still tied to how well you disrespect and dismiss your truth, that is still unknown to you.
Your self-worth is still tied to how well you love, care, nurture or save someone else’s autonomy. It’s all you’ve ever known.
Thoughts and feelings that would rescue and save you, are considered by you & others as inappropriate and harmful.
3) Remembering Who You Are:
When you became a victim of trauma, you were unaware of your inner treasure that could save you. Instead, you identified and merged with the trauma itself. You became a “trauma-response”.
Recognition of this truth, awakens you with the eyes to see & the ears to hear that you are your own True Authority of your own True Reality.
You now recognize that you always had the right to break free from every fight-flight, freeze-fawn response that you perpetually fell victim to; to claim and reclaim your Rightful Inheritance: Your Authentic Ordinary Self.
No amount of trauma or trauma-response-behaviour can ever define who you really are.
No amount of toxic conditioning in yourself or other, can define your authentic, ordinary self.
You are a creation of life, and you have no external authority. All are united and equal in their Own True Autonomy. All are unique, honoured, & accepted in holding to their own real & true frame-of-reference.
You are creation and creator, unified, and whole and complete just as you are, in any given breath.
You are your own internal authority to be recognized, and expressed as such, without apology.
There is no harmful narrative that can define you.
There is no harmful word, belief or accusation that can define you. Do you see this?
There is no deception or manipulation that can define you. Do you see this?
There is no trauma or trauma response that can define you. Do you see this?
Do you see the innocent playful dream whose purpose was to fall prey to a trauma dream, and then wake-up from it only to realize that your self-worth was never tied to anything or anyone?
See this. Hear this.
You’ve been reborn. You have been given a second chance to live in your Ordinary Extraordinary Power to be yourself just as you are; to disagree when you don’t agree; in every breath, in every scary feeling, in every insightful prompt, in every choice true for you.
True Friend: “What does love look like to you? How do you show love? How do you show you care?
The People Pleaser: I give priority to the needs and desires of the people in my life; whether they show up for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
It is an unspoken, unquestioned dharma to be the means of a wish fulfilled. Whatever they want, I am there. Their needs and desires become mine. I have no other needs or desires when in their field of dreams. I am their ‘fairy godmother’ or ‘genie in the bottle’ to make their wish come true.
It is my mission to prioritize the needs, preferences, limits & boundaries of others. I never offend, and I stay to align with them fully. My superpower is to remain hyper-vigilant in scanning & patrolling their “seeking” energy and become the one that’ll bring the thing they want. If someone is looking for lifetime affection & loyalty, I’ll marry them. If someone needs entertainment, I’ll provide entertainment. If someone is an adrenaline junkie, I’ll give them a wild time.
If someone needs quiet time, I stay silent. If somebody needs rescuing or saving, I’ll clean up their mess. If someone needs transportation, I lend them my car. If somebody wants a companion in their town, I’ll go there & join them. If somebody is sick, I’ll provide medicine. If someone is elderly, I sit with them. If family wants a family vacation but can’t afford it, I’ll step in and plan and pay for the whole thing. If someone wants a spiritual friend to take part in spiritual classes with them, I’ll be that friend. If there’s a wish, I fill it. If there’s a need, I meet it. If a master teacher is offering a class on how to heal people, I’ll be their best student. If someone needs to build a business, I will promote it for them. If someone wants a driver, I will drive. If someone wants to eat, I’ll take them out or cook for them. If someone wants to buy a house they can’t afford, I will provide the money on their behalf. If somebody wants to steal from me, I’ll lose all reasoning and believe their deception.
If someone is wanting to speak about the Unspeakable, I’ll show up and be their perfect mirror.
The payoff is to make people’s dreams come true at their level of reality, no matter the cost.
Any teaching, suggestion, instruction, direction, promotion, insight or revelation that is broadcasted my way, I’ll meet.
So, when I heard the phrase, “Just Love The People”, that is what I did.
There’s a natural, inborn, instinctive, intuitive intelligent Power within each of us. It understands the hidden agendas, insecurities, and motives of co-dependent programming.
This co-dependant programming is a symbol of powerlessness & impoverishment. It’s a seductive but destructive force that ultimately keeps our Present Power & Joy hidden away from us, without our awareness. It deceives us with confusion & fog, so we willingly leave our Self, and hand over our Power of Self-Custody.
Co-dependent programming can show up as both under-functioning & over-functioning. It takes over our Self. When not aware of the Power of Perfection we already are, we won’t value it, and instead, we’ll value “what’s wrong in other” as something that needs to be managed & fixed.
Our Self-awareness falls prey to over-functioning thinking and behaving, seducing and deceiving our awareness to stay disempowered and focussed on the perceived problem in ‘other’.
Co-dependant programming uses seductive deception to confuse us so we give our power away willingly. We will, unknowingly, embody the traits of an under-functioning, over-functioning impulse-compulsive problem-solver. We become dominated by it, becoming dominated by under-functioning or over-functioning. This deceptive seduction becomes compulsion & addiction. It siphons our Power away from us to over-focus on the needs, desires & actions of ‘other, through “vigilance, urgency, compulsivity, obsessiveness, impulsiveness,”; thereby abandoning our Self-Aware Breath, Pause, Simplicity, Calm & Clarity.
This is my INFJ story:
I hold the power to absorb other people‘s emotional states. I am able to energetically & holographically project myself into their world, literally. I identify with them and immediately a seductive attachment occurs where I vacate and abandon my Self-Care, giving me full access to meet & manage, worry & fear for the needs,desires & actions of “other”.
I become them. I meet their needs; not mine. I validate them, not me. I attend to them, comfort them, not me. I hand them my everything, leaving my Self nothing. I have the superpower to ‘being other’ while ignoring ‘being myself’. I portal my Self to another place, and become a ghost to myself. I zoom over to their world, take over their awareness thinking, feeling & perceiving for them, in order to attend to them, encourage them, pleasure them, relieve them. I am literally stripping both of us, our human dignity to think, feel and perceive on our own behalf, in our own way, for our own journey.
I (over)manage, (over)function, (over)control, (over)accommodate. I hollow myself out, rejecting and betraying my self-awareness, to then becoming fully hyper-focussed on their needs & expectations. I get lost in attraction-repulsion, desire-fear, pulling-pushing. When I sacrifice myself for others to see, hear, care for me, I just sacrificed myself to see, hear and care for mySelf.
After such time we have suffered long enough under this destructive patterning, the power of our Intuition comes online to meet this co-dependency. The power of Self-Awareness leads us to take action & reclaim our Power to BE self-aware for our Self and what is best for our being.
I am responsible to take action to place my Power back into my Self-Custody.
You are responsible to take action to place your Power back into your Self-Custody.
This power is ours, as God created It. We need to claim it for our Self. Nobody else can be our Self.
I now recognize these out-going preferences, desires & limitations everywhere and in everyone. They sent out distress signals from a “problem” place within my awareness, to convince me I must “immediately and urgently” meet something that’s not mine to meet. These distress signals are codependency signals that if I impulsively run to meet them, will only have me become misaligned, and separated and lost from mySelf, my wellbeing; its calm & security.
Everything has shifted. I consciously return back to MySelf, and reclaim my own self-leading, self-directing, self-sustaining being that only wants my Best Interest. I return to Presence. I Breathe. I Slow down. I Go inside. I am still. No more portalling my frantic awareness into another time & place, taking over thoughts, feelings, perceptions that force me out of MySelf. No more changing my Body-Awareness-Space into a shadow ghost to take over another body-awareness space. It’s harmful for both of us, and violates our True Purpose to honour each other as we truly are. It is the way of suffering. It is a way of remaining unaware and lying to our own awareness that It has no value or worth of its own, on its own.
In Recognizing this truth, the need to “rescue other” or “blame other” disappears. In recognizing this, the compulsion to embody the Beingness of others, loses its purpose. I return to my Own Beingness, I give to myself, and fill up my own safety, my own security, my own happiness and wholeness. I practice Self-Awareness being and attending to myself. The next time “other” appears out of alignment with their self-awareness, I will be ready & aware to not impulsively react & rescue them out of their problem-project, and make them into my problem-project.
I will be ready and aware to let go of my compulsion to meet what they can and must meet for themselves. I will stop feeling the need to have them abandon their self-awareness to meet mine. We both can attend to our own Self-Needs of our own Being. I know now, that if they are unable to do so, it doesn’t mean they can’t. I must show them that I will not betray my Own Self for their lack of self. . They are perfectly capable of meeting their own needs for safety, security & alignment. I will not “play along” molding myself to their desires for friendship if that means I stop being friend to myself. I will not act as if I’m taking their side while, in reality, I’ve left My Own Side. I will no longer pretend to make what is theirs into mine.
This could includes the following;
I now want to give back to “other”, their preferences, their desires, their limitations and their deal breakers! I give back to them their stories, their projects, their plans, their relationship problems, their money problems, their grievances towards society, their ideas about food, their preferences desires, skills & limitations for vehicles, hobbies, sports activities, farming, horticulture, work schedules, business & accounting, cleanliness, body image, renovations, therapeutic & spiritual knowledge, self-help courses, videos, camping, skiing, dancing, singing, partying, yogaing and exercising, their need for service work, their energy healing stories, their knowledge of esoteric history, information, & conspiracy theories.
I now lay them all down. I detach myself completely from (over) extending my self-awareness onto “other”, so I can support & align with my own Beingness; to see myself, to hear myself, and understand myself and care about myself. I now care and support myself in aligning with myself again. I choose to see myself. I choose to hear myself. I choose to understand myself. I now give to myself everything that was mine all along: my sacred Beingness. My presence. My space, my time, my live-affirming energy. My power.
Becoming a shapeshifter to embody and attend to the needs and desires of “other” is powerful, but it is the most destructive thing I could do. It never serves anyone’s wellbeing. I now breathe and lean back into my power. I rest here. I abide in peace. I own my Power consciously and intentionally. I will use it rightfully and righteously, to create my own epic life of true autonomy, happiness, abundance, joy, magic, adventure.
May you embrace and embody the Peace that you are.
The ignorance of truth; not knowing You are the love that seeks love, is the very catalyst that perpetuates all ‘seeking-for-love’ behaviours.
When the suffering is more that one can bear, the recognition dawns that the ignorance of truth was what perpetuated the “seeking for love” behaviours.
In the full clarity of the pain & suffering that ignorance caused, ignorance vanishes, and all ‘seeking-for-love’ behaviours vanish along with it.
You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.
As I reflect on my journey, I realize how deeply I misunderstood love and misjudged my suffering. From an unconscious place rooted in trauma, I poured my heart and soul into serving others, by over-giving and over-accommodating. I was unaware during this time, but I believed vigilant “helping”behaviour would ensure I receive the love and care I craved. I became a high-functioning people-pleaser, while in blind denial of my own pain, masking my true needs & desires behind a facade of control and competence. I was overmanaging every detail, every relationship, every conversation, trying to anticipate and meet the needs of others while neglecting my own.
But the weight of that endeavor crushed me. It was unsustainable from the start, destined to fail. I felt drained, invisible, & shamefully lost. The pain from giving my power away left me feeling broken and confused. There was also resentment which perpetuated my guilt & shame. I couldn’t admit the deprivation I felt. I believed I could handle it myself, by myself.
But in the silence, I began to whisper to myself, “What am I doing? Why am I living like this?” And slowly, the truth began to unfurl. I saw that my actions weren’t born of love, but of a deep-seated need to be loved. I was repeating patterns of trauma, rather than experiencing the love and connection I yearned for.
As I acknowledge this now, I recognize and feel a sense of compassion and understanding wash over me. I’m learning to untangle the abusive patterns I was blind to before, to nurture the peace of my own heart, and to cultivate honesty that nourishes my soul. I’m finding my way, slowly, into a more authentic, more loving version of myself.
When abuse arises, acknowledge it & notice the coping mechanism the mind will choose in that moment.
If the fear is too great, it will suppress “fight” by freezing, and then inform the body to “fawn” instead.
The lesson:
Stop.
Notice the fight response tendency. This is natural when the dominating energy is testing to see how you will respond. See that acting upon the fight response will only attract to you stay in divisive situations.
The need to fight (or defend) is a red flag that the interaction is abusive not loving. See this.
The abusive person is not safe to converse with. They will win, you will lose; meaning their only agenda is to get their way & get you to feel guilty or ashamed for having a need to protect yourself. They want you to believe & do what they want you to. They are entirely self-focused. There’s no empathy there.
In the end, you’ll feel unseen, unheard & misunderstood. You’ll feel dismissed, disrespected, insecure, and ultimately abandoned and unloved. There will be shame for feeling these things. You’ll feel broken and will feel the need to hide pieces of yourself around them. This is not a caring or loving connection. Stay away from abusive energy. It is life-draining.
This is not a time to hang on to their words and pretend in a fantasy of love. This is not a time to freeze your feelings and fawn over the abusive person to “save” the relationship; letting them have their way with you.
Stop.
Notice the freeze/fawn tendency. Don’t judge it. Don’t judge yourself.
Slow down. Relax. Bring awareness to the freeze. Then notice the guilt arise to “fawn.” Breathe. Say nothing while noticing at the same time your reactive desire to fight or fawn.
Do not fight. Do not fawn. Notice the compulsion to do it. Notice the others’ resistant or expectant behaviour on display, Honour the situation for what it is, and do the inner work.
Meet that fight-freeze-fawn compulsion with your divine compassion & understanding in your own body. Do not allow the mind to push the body into suppressing the fight response & jumping into the fawn response. The mind will justify it as “fixing relationship disunity”, but any kind of “fixing” is not unity at all. It’s denying the reality of an existing abusive interaction but calling it love. Love never hurts.
No need to “fight, freeze or fawn” anytime, anywhere. Flee, if anything, to protect your peace. Otherwise, just meet the resistance, the fear, the threat. Let it be there, & go & share only with a safe person; one who’ll be able empathize & hear you.
Notice the red flag to not engage in fighting/freezing/fawning behaviour.
Breathe. Create space from your frantic mind, and protect your peace. It’s your only job in that moment. The mind will jump to conclusions that there’s a real threat and needs the body to “fight for self”, or “fawn for the relationship”; but drop that false narrative. It’s actually a distraction to the inner “self-love” presence that lives within You and is You.
Nina’s Nuances 