She has been carrying a mistaken set of principles since the age of 12.
I call that 12-year-old version Nina Rose.
Nina Rose told herself that a specific set of principles were righteous and true. But she was mistaken. They took on a fearful life of their own, and the results created a lifelong pattern of self-abandonment. For decades, Nina Rose stayed stuck in time, living in that suffering.
For a long time I was unconsciously aware of it. Now I am consciously aware. I see what is happening. And so does she. We have met. We see each other. We understand each other.
It is clear now that the story that Nina Rose created for herself became the false foundation that ruled our life. It perpetuated a lingering, false sense of separation within her, within me, and between us.
I have been unconsciously dragging this younger version of myself everywhere I go — not seeing her, not hearing her, not understanding her, or why she got stuck.
Nina Rose never formed a healthy, whole sense of identity. She was highly sensitive to the disruptive interactions between her parents, her siblings, and friends. She began to obsessively focus on the toxicity and the heavy energies that arose during that time. It’s what got her stuck in time.
Nina Rose’s biggest fear was her fear of separation. She believed separation was real. She never came to know who she really was at her age.
So I, the Lightworker that I am, carried her. Whenever she sensed a demanding, dominating, fear-based expectation — whether in her own interactions or in the interactions of others around her — she absorbed it and created a trauma bond.
She unknowingly took on all disruptive energy and held it inside her in order to dissolve it. She told herself she was helping. That by carrying it, she could neutralize it, repair the sense of separation, and restore harmony & peace.
She unconsciously took on conflictual energy from outside herself to try to heal the separation she felt in herself and in others.
It was an innocent mistake.
She didn’t know any other way to maintain love and healthy relationship, so she lived by this principle. And this principle is what kept her stuck in time, causing her own torment and suffering without ever knowing why.
Now, in the present, as the Lightworker that I Am, I have met Nina Rose exactly where she is and have shed light on her situation. I bring light to this mistaken story. My light has helped heal this stuck energy inside both of us. That old set of mistaken principles can now be laid to rest.
There is no peace in absorbing other people’s fearful feelings of separation or failure. There is only the realization that separation and failure are both false realities. But even falsehoods, if they are believed as true, can create very real feelings. And that torment does not go away until the mistaken reality of separation & failure is seen through clearly.
So this is the truth now:
I am not the cause of the fear of separation.
I am not responsible to absorb fear as means to dissolve that fear.
I am not to blame when the fear of separation arises.
I am a Lightworker. And I am here to repair and restore the wellbeing of Nina Rose, who got stuck in her time while trying to neutralize and repair both hers and others’ fear of separation.
That is all.
A very innocent act that caused decades of avoidable suffering — now seen, now healed, now complete.
