Manipulator “Friends”

Summary of blog by Tina Fey – Blogger

It’s a thin line between friendship and manipulation. That line is all about intent.

Manipulators, disguised as friends, have a knack for making you do what they want while concealing their ulterior motives & private agendas.

It’s a lot like having a wolf dressed in sheep’s clothing – they act like your best friend but they are the stranger secretly manipulating you.

These ‘friends’ often exhibit certain subtle behaviors that give them away. And if you’re smart, you’ll pick up on these signs early on.

1) They spin the truth

These ‘friendly’ manipulators are masters at spinning tales. They weave their narrative so skillfully that it’s hard to distinguish fact from fiction. “Selling their spin” is their way of controlling the narrative and framing you in the direction they want. It’s subtle, it’s strategic, and most importantly, it’s deceptive.

2) They always play the victim

They are never at fault, never responsible for their actions. And they use their  ‘victim’ status to distract & get what they want. It is always about their problems, their feelings, their wins, their life.

They attempt to make you feel guilty if you ever try to share your own problems or if you’re not there for them at their beck and call. Your needs and feelings come secondary to theirs.

They’re not just seeking support; they are manipulating you into prioritizing them above everything else.

3) They’re experts at guilt-tripping

They use guilt as a tool to maintain power in the relationship, ensuring you feel indebted to them.

4) They constantly belittle your achievements

These individuals have a knack for minimizing & dismissing your insights, inspirations, ideas, connections, accomplishments.

This constant belittling is their way of keeping you in check & faithful to a false sense of unworthiness like them; ensuring that you never feel too confident or self-assured. After all, if you start remembering your own inherent worth, you might just realize that you deserve better than their “friendship”.

5) They’re always testing & violating your boundaries

For the manipulative ‘friend’, your boundaries are merely ‘lines to cross’ without the negative consequences.

They constantly push the limits to see how far they can go.

This is a strategic move. By gradually eroding your boundaries, they gain more autonomy over you and the relationship.

Remember, it’s not scary to set boundaries – it’s ESSENTIAL & KIND. And anyone who continually disrespects them is not acting in your honour.

6) They’re never truly happy for you

They quickly change the subject or subtly downplay your good news. Or perhaps there’s a hint of jealousy in their eyes. This lack of genuine happiness for your joys, connections & successes is a telltale sign of manipulation.

7) They use your secrets against you

You notice that your secrets are being used against you. Your vulnerabilities are brought up during arguments, used as weapons to hurt you or make you feel small.

This kind of betrayal cuts deep. It’s a clear sign of manipulation and a blatant abuse of trust.

8) They’re always the center of attention

Whether it’s a group conversation or a one-on-one chat, they somehow manage to steer the topic back to themselves. They crave the spotlight and will do whatever it takes to keep it shining on them.

This need for constant attention can leave you feeling unheard and unimportant. It’s a subtle form of manipulation designed to keep you in their shadow.

If someone always insists on being more significant & important (or advising you to get more significant & important) they’re likely hiding their own insecurities than interested in a true connection with you.

9) They make you question your own frame of reality

The most dangerous form of manipulation is called gaslighting – a psychological tactic where a person makes you doubt or downplay your own preferences, perceptions, or memories.

The goal is to destabilize your direct sense of reality, making you question your own boundary lines.

This is not just manipulation; it’s a form of emotional hyjacking. And it’s important to recognize it for what it is.

No one has the right to undermine and steal your experiences or trample on your feelings. Trust & honour your own feelings and your own perceptions. You know your reality better than anyone else.