No More Fawning.

When abuse arises, acknowledge it & notice the coping mechanism the mind will choose in that moment. 

If the fear is too great, it will suppress “fight” by freezing, and then inform the body to “fawn” instead. 

The lesson:

Stop. 

Notice the fight response tendency. This is natural when the dominating energy is testing to see how you will respond. See that acting upon the fight response will only attract to you stay in divisive situations.

The need to fight (or defend) is a red flag that the interaction is abusive not loving. See this.

The abusive person is not safe to converse with. They will win, you will lose; meaning their only agenda is to get their way & get you to feel guilty or ashamed for having a need to protect yourself. They want you to believe & do what they want you to. They are entirely self-focused. There’s no empathy there.

In the end, you’ll feel unseen, unheard & misunderstood.  You’ll feel dismissed, disrespected, insecure, and ultimately abandoned and unloved. There will be shame for feeling these things. You’ll feel broken and will feel the need to hide pieces of yourself around them. This is not a caring or loving connection. Stay away from abusive energy. It is life-draining. 

This is not a time to hang on to their words and pretend in a fantasy of love. This is not a time to freeze your feelings and fawn over the abusive person to “save” the relationship; letting them have their way with you.

Stop. 

Notice the freeze/fawn tendency. Don’t judge it. Don’t judge yourself.

Slow down. Relax. Bring awareness to the freeze. Then notice the guilt arise to “fawn.” Breathe. Say nothing while noticing at the same time your reactive desire to fight or fawn. 

Do not fight. Do not fawn. Notice the compulsion to do it. Notice the others’ resistant or expectant behaviour on display, Honour the situation for what it is, and do the inner work.

Meet that fight-freeze-fawn compulsion with your divine compassion & understanding in your own body. Do not allow the mind to push the body into suppressing the fight response & jumping into the fawn response. The mind will justify it as “fixing relationship disunity”, but any kind of “fixing” is not unity at all. It’s denying the reality of an existing abusive interaction but calling it love. Love never hurts.

No need to “fight, freeze or fawn” anytime, anywhere. Flee, if anything, to protect your peace. Otherwise, just meet the resistance, the fear, the threat. Let it be there, & go & share only with a safe person; one who’ll be able empathize & hear you.

Notice the red flag to not engage in fighting/freezing/fawning behaviour.

Breathe. Create space from your frantic mind, and protect your peace. It’s your only job in that moment. The mind will jump to conclusions that there’s a real threat and needs the body to “fight for self”, or “fawn for the relationship”; but drop that false narrative. It’s actually a distraction  to the inner  “self-love” presence that lives within You and is You.