After having been hurt by attachments, I came to believe that detachment was the goal. Eventually accomplishing that goal; which brought its own type of pain and suffering, finally admitting that detachment was a box I took pride in living in, as it was safe.
But there came a time, recognizing that detachment was a mistake too, as it never delivered on the promise of love. It was never the answer to enjoying this life, for all it brought was a sense of regret, emptiness and longing.
Realization came to deliver the news that all I ever wanted was to return to the time before the first break from the first attachment of love.
That time was the timeless I am.
It was MySelf. I was there. Love was there. Acceptance was there. Fear was non-existent.
I want to have that real love-attachment again, but without the constant debilitating fear that attachments do demand of me; that ever-looming belief that I must live up to so-called desires, needs, expectations and demands: a deception & betrayal of blame, shame, & disrespect in exchange for my loyal, loving attention.
I now find myself lost in a realm between the unmanifested love attachment and a detachment style of relating that I have come to trust.
Nina’s Nuances 