To Give.

The first teaching I remember was about ‘giving to others’. It meant that I acknowledge others, have consideration for others, show acceptance & appreciation for others. It was about showing my respect to others. It was about giving my attention to others. It was about listening & trusting others.  I gave away my most precious gifts ‘for’ the benefit of others. I possessed powerful gifts, and I was very good at using them, for when I gave them away, I could temporarily make others feel loved, safe, trusted, accepted, respected, acknowledged and appreciated. I, in turn, would feel my gifts through them. I also learned that if I withheld my gifts from others,  I would feel their negative feelings.   They were not able to locate and use their own inner gifts while they were relying on mine. This was a recipe for self-depletion.

As a child, I was taught & convinced to give my gift of ‘self-consideration’ away to my parents, my siblings, then later to my teachers. This later expanded to friends who told me they needed my consideration.  Their experience of pain & disappointment, (or worse: anger & rage) would be my fault, and I would end up feeling fear, guilt & regret. I had lost my power and safety.

‘Giving to others’ meant giving away my gift of ‘self-appreciation’.  It meant giving away self-acknowledgment, self-acceptance, and self-respect.  I began to feel unsupported and doubtful, for I had given away the gift of ‘self-support’ and ‘self-trust’.  I began to judge others secretly, for I had given away the gift of ‘self-acceptance’ & ‘self -compassion’. I was told that it was selfish to ignore others, not be available, not to listen or show my appreciation for others. This activity over time had given me a deep inner ache.  It was an indication that I abandoned myself.  I became overly sensitive to what others felt.

But I had also been drawn to the quotes that state, “you can only love others to the degree that you love yourself’, and ‘you can never lose, what you truly possess’.   My true gifts that I thought I had given to others, I still have access to. They are not lost forever. They have been cultivated & nurtured within my soul. They are rightfully mine, and I know that they shine brightly. I have mastered them.  But I had not been acknowledging them as mine.  I now realize its time to take them all back.  I cannot truly acknowledge the world if I do not acknowledge myself.  I cannot truly appreciate, accept and trust the world if I do not appreciate, accept and trust myself.  I cannot give consideration to the world if I do not first give myself consideration.   If I possessed these qualities in the first place, and I can never truly lose them, then I can retrieve them anytime I so choose and shine them within myself.  These beautiful higher vibrational gems are mine.  I choose now to retrieve them. I want them back.  I use the power of my intent to retrieve and activate the energies of my soul’s essence, including but not limited to, self-love, self-trust, self-respect, self-acknowledgement, self-acceptance and self-consideration. And so it is. So be it. It is done. Thank You.